Today I planned to show pictures of the front of our new home, start to welcome you in, give you glimpses into the beauty of our new house.
Yet some days…
some days take on a tenacious force that I haven’t figured out how to tame.
I was startled in the shower, two toddler faces peering at me through the steamy glass, with half shampooed hair, I leapt out of the shower and into the privacy of a towel. These unannounced spectators were alarming for two reasons
#1 There is nothing like having your little toddler boys around for such an exposing moment!
#2 It means the four year old must have taught the three year old how to pick a lock…
because moments before I had securely fastened the door, just in case!
The evidence was still in the lock, bobbie-pin and all!
A huffy me questioned the two intruders, dripping sudsy bubbles and water over the early morning invaders.
These two littles felt the urgent need to inform me that the cat had just pooed on Lachlan’s bed!
I half assembled my dripping hair in a pony-tail and found something slightly more decent then a towel to wear for the day, a quick glance in the mirror had me uttering a desperate prayer that nobody would show up unannounced (not even the neighbours dog).
Dutifully I followed the boys to their room for further investigation, sure enough their story was true as true.
I went about cleaning up but couldn’t see anything wet, I just hoped I wasn’t missing a puddle of cat urine somewhere.
I hauled a full two loads of extra laundry down stairs and started the washing.
Breakfast started with the chaos of orders customized to each needs, extra peanut butter for that one, none for the other, eggs with salt or without, greens and berries and a normal amount of spills and complaining, badgering and begging.
Meal time in this family can be more a deafening whirlwind then peaceful nourishment.
I think I ate among the ups and down, but I have no real recollection…
and a mid-morning famished rumble begs to differ…
The baby choked on a piece of last nights salmon hid in the one spot the broom must not reach (because I’m certain I swept the floors last night) spitting up his homemade vibrant green baby food all over his clean clothes and my mismatched outfit!
His extra clingy-ness must be because I slept through one of his midnight feedings.
Not to worry though, he got plenty during the other early night, midnight, early dawn, mid-dawn and morning feedings actually he was fed every one-and-a-half hours throughout the night (and day truth be told),
except for the one I slept through…
Meanwhile Mr. Wild thought he would climb up on the laundry room table to get his favourite t-shirt (I had already dressed him for the day) his actions tumbled down all the folded laundry.
Yesterday’s mile-high mountain of work still waiting to be put away.
With clean laundry now hopelessly mixed with the dirty and spewed across the floor,
just as I feared a knock on the front door…
an Amazon order was delivered and needed a signature, this mornings shampooing attempts now slicking back my dried out hair perfectly complementing my hasty outfit with the babies green spit-up breakfast yet to be washed off!
When I opened the box I found a broken product which means a return job can be added to the rarely-get-done list!
It was when I was bringing the clean blankets up to the boys room - washed after this morning mayhem, my sense of smell was horrifically met with the obvious smell of cat pee, it didn’t take long to realize the cat had urinated on the other bed, soaking through those blankets, pillows and mattress!
And so another two loads of laundry were added to the already extra two just completed and the days regular laundry still in wait, now thoroughly mixed in with yesterdays once clean and folded laundry!
Once I dealt with that chaos, I sat down to a now cold cup of once hot coffee,
it was 9 a.m!
Some days…
There is a hardness, motherhood is hard, raising six kids is hard, sometimes I feel defeated before the day even starts, often by 9am!
I turn to places that encourage my role of mothering, webpages and blogs that uplift and remind me of the deep worth of all this energy invested.
I am often blessed by these mothers, it has been refreshing to see so many women stepping up, voicing the beauty and worth of motherhood, yet it can be discouraging when you click around and all you see is their accomplishments,
some managed to take eight littles to a two hour lecture…front row…
others write National Bestsellers,
sew their own clothing,
go to the moon singlehandedly in their own engineered space craft…
ok so maybe not but you get the message.
There has been nothing that has exposed my weaknesses and confirmed my inadequacies quite like Motherhood.
If I add comparison to my already weighty load I will collapse, run for the hills or sink into the mire.
I know the voice that comes quick when the stress and the needs and all the crazy of this home collide and in that moment I wonder why and how every one else seems to manage, accomplish and succeed.
When my arms are aching and my head is throbbing and I’m not sure I have anything left to give, there it is again a sly darkness threatening my soul, vision and care for my family. Chalking myself up against pinterst or others or even myself on less hectic days is just the sort of thing that threatens to pin me down and debilitate me, derail my day and courage.
I am not always victorious, I am not always sure how to silence the force of wild days and exhaustion and discouragement.
But I do know a God who meets me in my mess, catches my tears even as they fall into dirty sinks filled with yesterdays dishes.
He is with me when I switch laundry at midnight as I walk to the nursery for another slumbered hour feeding.
He Sees , He Hears and He Cradles
Carries me like a Father.
The way my love is willing to journey with my littles through their crazy and wild of childhood. He nurtures me with the same paternal tenderness, yet his is complete, a perfect embrace of steadfast love.
When I am caught with the thoughts of defeat and discouragement I turn to Him and He is always quick to show me that I am stacking myself up against the world or others and a model of perfection, all expectations he never requires of me!
There is a place of pure direction and Holy comfort, and hidden within His words there is comfort.
It was written long ago, a note to me and you and the only picture we should have, the only one truth I should cling to, everyday and every moment of this mothering journey;
He tends his flock like a shepherd.
He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;
He gently leads those that have young.
Isaiah 40:11
His only desires is that I be faithful, in love, and generous spirt.
So here's to another Monday and another week,
I raise my mug of yet again another cup of cold coffee,
to you and the other countless women who will spend every last ounce pouring into the spirits, lives and souls around us.
Here is to all the Holy wonder you get to be part of and the nurturing of our most valued treasures.
Here is to the wild weary and all encompassing role we lead, here is to the heartaches and wholehearted moments of joys, the tears and treasures.
Here is to Motherhood on Mondays.
And know, please know that I am just finding my way through the mess and chaos to a God who is present and cares and is willing to be a constant on every Monday during every moment of Mothering!
