• Archive for June 2014

    Savor the Awe

    Friday, June 27, 2014


    It has been a glorious three weeks soaking in the tender moments of infancy. Time seems to be slipping by all to swiftly. The first days of new life are behind us. There has been growth and change. I have held on to every moment,  with an ache of a love that knows this stage is fleeting.
    He has been in arms, wrapped in a sling, deep hours of night are spent with him peacefully beside me his sweet breathing the lullaby of my nights.

    He is perfectly contented with the sway of my movements the rhythmic comfort of my heartbeat, the scent of my skin and the gentle brush of my nurturing kiss. These are the earliest declarations of love, the way to seep love deep into the newborn soul, long before language and the formation of words. This is His place, 
    cradled safely among the comforts of motherhoods gifts. 
    It is perfect. 

    Every once in a while I must lay him down to attend to life around me, and when these rare moments take place I have a delightful little spot in the corner of my kitchen where the sun pours in and the hum of family life is constant. The bassinet was gifted to me by a friend who knew I loved white and wicker and the soothing sound the rocking makes upon the hard wood, it is aged with memories of bygone days. When I lay my little one down I wonder at the mothers who used it during the century before, romantic notion, I know.  

    In a world where infancy is rushed, and romance, the falling into love, is hushed away, silenced by busy. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father has lead me to understand that Holiness breaths life into a heart, a home a family. And when a miracle happens, we are to slow, to savour the awe of it, and tenderly embrace the gift. 

    Before Brennan

    Sunday, June 15, 2014


    The afternoon before Brennan was born Spring was lovely and called our family outdoors, I felt the anticipation of meeting my new baby deeply and thought walking and fresh air would help pass time. It did and just a few hours after the glorious sunshine day spent by the river we met our little darling!  

    I have very few pictures of me being pregnant with Brennan. These were taken just a few hours before I went into labour I am so grateful now we have these family pictures. Though I must say our family is much more handsome with the addition of Brennan, he adds something extraordinary to our family! 


    Brennan Grant Milner

    Saturday, June 7, 2014


    For days I have been searching for just the right words to piece together the opening story of my precious new sons life. Are there even adequate words to match the glorious joy of his life and the abundance of love my heart has been filled with?

    The exquisite loveliness of a newborn never seems to lose its effects on my heart or home. There is a peace that floats about, hushed yet holy, perfected by the generosity of a heavenly Father who kissed our family with life. 

    Brennan Grant Milner  

    Came to us early Sunday June 1st. 

    Last week Saturday our family took a long walk along the river, spring was dazzling with a perfect mix of pollen and green and an afternoon of exploration. The walk was meant to keep me and the littles busy. All my ‘nesting’ had been completed, with little to ‘do’ I became restless with anticipation. Though my due date was not for another week I felt the eagerness that comes in the last days of pregnancy. I had hoped a long walk would start contractions, giving me a gentle lead up to labour. I have a tendency to have very fast deliveries, I hoped that this time around I could have time for the mid-wives to arrive before the birth. Though the afternoon was lovely and it did keep me busy there were no indications of labour, actually it seemed to quiet things down. Through the last term of this pregnancy I had a lot of light contractions and false labour. 
    Seemed to me that last twenty-four hours were quieter than usual. 

    At 1:30 in the morning I woke clutching my night side table and breathing the labour pant! I sat up with another intense contraction which woke Roger who didn’t even hesitate in grabbing the phone and called our mid-wife. The call went something like “she has had two contractions its the real thing” in which the mid-wife responded with “I’m getting dressed!” 
    By then it had been about five minutes I was completely absorbed  with staying in control and managing the intensity of the contractions. With every contraction I would recite Proverbs 11:16 “a women of gentle grace gains respect” I deeply desired to do my part in creating an atmosphere of peace, knowing that if I focus on the strength of God rather then my own, His peace and beauty would prevail even during the intensity of birth. 
     I then wanted to get in the shower as the sharpness of the contractions were mostly in my lower back and warm water often helps relieve some of the pressure. I knew then the mid-wives wouldn't arrive on time for the birth, I think Roger knew it then also. We were about ten minutes into labour, I had about three more contractions and felt a slight urge to push. I tried just breathing through the sensations with hopes I could slow things down yet the urge to push came on so strong my body instinctively bared down through the next two contractions, I got out of the shower, with the next push my waters broke, which was the first time for me to have it rupture spontaneously. 
    With the next contraction came the head and the next his body.
    He gave us a hearty cry and pinked up instantly. 
    It was 2 am. 

    Roger helped me get more comfortable sitting on the bathroom floor, waiting for the mid-wives to arrive and help cut the cord. We spent those fifteen minutes marvelling at our new son and thanking God for his mercy of health and peace during the speed and intensity of the labour. 
    Once I was settled in bed, we woke the older three siblings, and my lovely sister who came to be a mothers helper for a few weeks, their excitement danced in their midnight eyes, what delight it was for us to see the enthusiastic love for a new brother and nephew. 
    God is so very wise to bring souls together as family. 

    Unfortunately after the labour was over I had very painful after-pains. Apparently this is common with multiple labours. It took the whole of the night and next day for them to subside. Though my labour was speedy I did have post contractions for hours after wards. They were so awful I spent the day nauseated and vomiting. Which wore me down and limited my ability to nurse and hold the baby. Roger literally had to sit with me all day to take the baby when the pain got to much and help me as I vomited. 

    As I reflect on the whole experience I am overwhelmed with Roger’s kindness and generous spirit towards me during the whole labour and recovery. While I was labouring he was so steadfast and encouraging, never hinting of concern. After the birth he smiled sweetly and displayed his pride for his new son and praised and thanked me for this gift. Though it must be an incredible experience having to deliver your own baby, needless to mention the fact he’s an engineer and not remotely interested in anything medical. He put his own feelings of fear and awkwardness aside to minister love and assurance to me. 
    As I recovered, nauseated and sick, he patiently sat with me and helped me out. 
    He praised our baby, and during that first day loved and held him as tenderly as I would have if I was strong enough. 
    His gentle care and loving spirit towards me is a gift I will always treasure. It wasn’t the most glamorous of times, yet he handled my heart and needs with such love. It was in this way he stole my heart yet again and displayed such Godly generosity and love towards me. 

     The days that followed have been beautiful, hushed away from the world, delighting in every little discovery of this newborn miracle. He is so familiar yet so unique. I feel as though I have loved him my whole life. 
    For the rest of my life I will be altered and overwhelmed with the beautiful gift of Brennan. 
      I will once again have the privilege of Mothering one of God’s most precious miracles. 
    The awe has not left, and humble love is swelled to the fullest. 
    I am completely overwhelmed with love.