• One

    Monday, June 1, 2015




    I might not be ready for this. 
    I know I am not. 

     I ache to know Brennan’s infancy has passed
    forever from my arms, 
    they have grown beautifully accustomed 
    to cradling his young life.
    Nothing has been more natural than to have him moulded into every part of me. 

    Every day I am aware that my children are growing away from me. 
    This is my role, to enable them to leave.

    Motherhood is a sweet bitterness.
    To delight in every new discovery and millstone 
    knowing it is but one more step away from you. 
    Another mile in the journey to independence. 

    I want to capture time, hem it in, steal back seconds, moments, decades. 

    I can’t really believe we are here, 
    lighting a single candle,
    encouraging him to blow away the flame of his last year. 
    Cheering him onwards. 

    I just want to go back, run my fingers over the cheeks that were still unfamiliar. 
    Even though I have slowed right down to a pace of treasuring what is fleeting. 
    I have held Brennan longer, 
    let him find rest in my arms, 
    just so I may experience the exquisite peace of a sleeping baby. 
    I have not moved away from a moment of laughter or tears.
    I have nurtured this baby so deeply,
    because I understand now what I did not as a much younger mother. 
    that the hours of infancy are so very few. 
    Yet it is within each of these secret unannounced displays of devotion that as Mother I have had the most influence over my child. 
    I have experienced it within each of this years passing days,

    the Holiness of Mothering. 

    The gathering of one so delicate and dependant, 
    placing Him in the forefront of my purpose.

    Nurturing Him up and away from the safest most sacred place on earth. 
    My Mothering arms. 

    We had a lovely celebration just us and our little sailor 
    on the back porch as the warm setting sun saluted Him with a blazing golden hour. 

    Happy Birthday 
    My Sweet 
    Brennan Grant