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Three years ago the two of us sat on the freshly painted front porch. I, silent with thoughts of joy.
I was home, sweeping my gaze over the dreams to come.
This was the place my heart long waited for in the craze of houses and years spent in Africa and Asia.
I was utterly content, us together again, our expatriate years behind us and the dreams of a life in Canada stretching long and beautiful into our future.
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He was sitting quite beside me as I slipped my hand into his and rested deep into this man I love, the one who helped make this heart for country life a dream to live and breath, an experience of beauty to live daily.
I asked for his thoughts, certain they were the same as mine.
He starts slow, in the way that has become familiar as the finger print of our love,
him hanging on to an idea until it is formed just perfectly,
“our visa’s expire today” slow and steady he pauses shaping the coming question
“so your happy, to stay, here, give up our adventures, slip them away like our luggage”?
Every word laced with the hint of far off lands, elements and traces of something foreign with curves around every unknown bend.
Words weighted with the longing of an adventurer.
I knew then this was just a stop, a home between stories.
In that moment three years ago, I loved him wider then I ever knew I could.
Wide enough to carry my fear and the giving of this life, this home built on familiar soil tucked away like a dream among forest and fields, hemmed in by the wild beauty of the rockies.
If I could paint my dreams this would be it.
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I knew the truth of our love then, that the loveliness of this dream is made pure by the people I share it with.
I clasped my hand a little tighter round the assurance of his.
When life came anew to us and we were awash in the early days of infancy the waves of change called.
He asked it slow and sure taking his own patient way to perfectly form his question,
“would I go with him, fallow him south”
Deep into the heart of lone stars, sweet tea, hanging ferns, humidity and y’alls.
I wondered then if I was able, to say good-bye, start over, move away from a lifetime of hoped for memories. I know my desire would be to to grow my roots tight around what is familiar. Raise my babies under the wide blue of Alberta’s sky, watch the seasons of our family change within the walls they were born. Hold on, dig down, stay put.
Yet,
Loves lasting depths lead me on.
Giving me courage to face the unknowns.
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I know that in the new stories that are to be etched out of tomorrows memories I will grow, deeper, in love.
Beatific
my life's word will define all the unknown
binding me with
Beauty and Blessing.
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