Good Morning Mothers,
I would love to share some pebbles of wisdom that I have gathered over years by observing other families, reading and I guess some plain old common sense. As I wrote this I realised that if all the bellow elements came together in a day I would have perfect children! Which is of course is far from the truth! I do have beautiful, fully human, children. My goal in purposeful Mothering is giving my children methods to help accomplish what is required of them. And to set a foundation that will help them become everything they are designed to be through out their life. These tools have been very helpful in gearing me with direction and aids me and the children considerably. They are simple little things that help me…
~
Have your children respond to you in a positive manor, not just a yes Mom but an enthusiastic, “Yes Mom, my pleasure!” If my girls forget or grumble in their response to me they automatically get a discipline. Advice from:
Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger
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~
We discipline our girls in different forms, but the most effective thus far has been taken from the advice of my Aunt Anita (mother of nine children) we call it Toilet Time or Badkamer (the Dutch word for toilet)! We give our kids a time-out sitting in the bathroom with the door shut. If they destroy things (like pulling the towels down or unrolling the bathroom tissue) they must clean it up before allowed out. This ‘toilet time’ has worked wonders! We can make it time applicable and both Marion and Davina hate it, always a plus when coming to disciplines!
~
~
An insightful and effective tip we learnt from the book Baby/Child Wise By Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. To always greet your spouse first before greeting the children (when Dad comes home from work.) Amazingly this establishes security in a child’s life, knowing Dad and Mom love each other. Taking this a step farther the advice is for Dad and Mom to have couch time upon working spouse arrival home. Just 10-15 minutes talking and cuddling as spouses on the couch has proven healthy and very effective in offering security to children. I must say Roger and I do not apply ‘couch time’ everyday because we often greet each other at the park or pool. Though on weekends we do insist on having 45-1 hr coffee, uninterrupted. This is a time during the kids wake time, they are learning that Dad and Mom are important to each other, they can hear us talking and laughing and smiling at each other (most of the time)…very effective!
~
A long time ago I realised kids do much better when they have direction in their day. I use the word direction as opposed to ‘busy’ because I DO NOT BELIEVE children should be busy, actually I have yet to meet a health/happy busy child. Children like adults need to have a sense of satisfaction in their achievements at the end of their day. To me direction could be defined as ‘direction’ novel hey? Moving your child purposefully through out their day. Giving them an allotted time to learn/read/work/play. I generally move my children along to the next thing even if they are engaged nicely in their project. This is to help maintain excitement for an activity and avoid boredom. Boredom always breeds restlessness, the ultimate killer of peace in a home! To give you an example, my children have very little ‘free time’ in a day. This does not mean my kids hardly play this means certain activities of play are schedule for a certain time. Arts and crafts, dolls, baking with Mom, outdoor time, reading, lessons, work, it all has a designated place in our day and week. The girls do have few ‘windows’ in their day to do something of their own choice. Let me tell you, they settle right down and make the most of this time! They know is worth playing and not a time to waste! Charlotte Mason wrote about her adventures out doors with children, though she is often held esteemed for her encouragement to let children have much freedom to explore their surroundings, she in no ways believes children should be left alone to mischief! More correctly she advises direction in their hours of exploration. Having her pupils explore a field, draw it, write about it, getting to know it intimately. Only for a short time would she allow the children to make fun on their own accord. This is directive play. It is enjoyment within a time frame. It ends before the fun has been exhausted. I have seen this to eliminate bickering among siblings because kids learn to settle down and play, knowing they do not have all day to engage the fun on hand. (Please be gracious in this. If Marion has been studiously working on a picture during her art time and now time is up and is nearly done. I would not be harsh and have her put it away ‘on time’, I would let her finish, but would not let her then pull out another project in art to work on, even if she wanted to.)
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I am not sure when I first saw this ‘interrupting aid’ most likely from my Mom or Aunt…
Do your kids interrupt as chronically as mine? Is it as annoying to you as it is to me? A little way around this frustration is, if your child needs to interrupt a conversation you are having. Have your child place their hand un-disruptive on your arm. In response place your hand over their hand so the child knows you recognise they need you. When a moment arises, pause your conversation and address your child. It works wonders… when applied…I think I need to work on this one…
~
~
Another assistance to eliminate frustration between adult and child is simply to make eye contact when speaking. I think children feel more respected when spoken and treated politely. I have a habit of calling my children with out focusing on them. I find it more effective and peaceful if I find where my kids are, scoop their face in my hands, make eye contact, smiling sweetly and ask your request, “Marion it is time to start chores may you please go get your basket and gather the upstairs piles” it is rare under these circumstances for a child to want to disobey.
Applied, this greatly helps when disciplining or correcting a child, make eye contact, talk firm but calm, let your face stay pleasant, not happy but loving, then execute the intended punishment. Like wise if a child is showing you something, art or anything really, they want your full attention! Give it to them! Sometimes in the moment it is not going to work, like when you are washing toilets or running to grab the ringing phone, communicate in some way that in a moment you will give some time to that child’s current interest he wants to share with you. Then when that moment arises seek you child out and ask to see what they wanted to share, make eye contact, get excited, show your pleasure. If a child knows he is understood, he will automatically desire to be pleasant and an asset to you.
~
The tips above are my tested, tried and true!
May your Mothering be blessed with direction and purpose this week.
I would love to share some pebbles of wisdom that I have gathered over years by observing other families, reading and I guess some plain old common sense. As I wrote this I realised that if all the bellow elements came together in a day I would have perfect children! Which is of course is far from the truth! I do have beautiful, fully human, children. My goal in purposeful Mothering is giving my children methods to help accomplish what is required of them. And to set a foundation that will help them become everything they are designed to be through out their life. These tools have been very helpful in gearing me with direction and aids me and the children considerably. They are simple little things that help me…
~
Have your children respond to you in a positive manor, not just a yes Mom but an enthusiastic, “Yes Mom, my pleasure!” If my girls forget or grumble in their response to me they automatically get a discipline. Advice from:
Michelle and Jim Bob Dugger
~
~
We discipline our girls in different forms, but the most effective thus far has been taken from the advice of my Aunt Anita (mother of nine children) we call it Toilet Time or Badkamer (the Dutch word for toilet)! We give our kids a time-out sitting in the bathroom with the door shut. If they destroy things (like pulling the towels down or unrolling the bathroom tissue) they must clean it up before allowed out. This ‘toilet time’ has worked wonders! We can make it time applicable and both Marion and Davina hate it, always a plus when coming to disciplines!
~
~
An insightful and effective tip we learnt from the book Baby/Child Wise By Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. To always greet your spouse first before greeting the children (when Dad comes home from work.) Amazingly this establishes security in a child’s life, knowing Dad and Mom love each other. Taking this a step farther the advice is for Dad and Mom to have couch time upon working spouse arrival home. Just 10-15 minutes talking and cuddling as spouses on the couch has proven healthy and very effective in offering security to children. I must say Roger and I do not apply ‘couch time’ everyday because we often greet each other at the park or pool. Though on weekends we do insist on having 45-1 hr coffee, uninterrupted. This is a time during the kids wake time, they are learning that Dad and Mom are important to each other, they can hear us talking and laughing and smiling at each other (most of the time)…very effective!
~
A long time ago I realised kids do much better when they have direction in their day. I use the word direction as opposed to ‘busy’ because I DO NOT BELIEVE children should be busy, actually I have yet to meet a health/happy busy child. Children like adults need to have a sense of satisfaction in their achievements at the end of their day. To me direction could be defined as ‘direction’ novel hey? Moving your child purposefully through out their day. Giving them an allotted time to learn/read/work/play. I generally move my children along to the next thing even if they are engaged nicely in their project. This is to help maintain excitement for an activity and avoid boredom. Boredom always breeds restlessness, the ultimate killer of peace in a home! To give you an example, my children have very little ‘free time’ in a day. This does not mean my kids hardly play this means certain activities of play are schedule for a certain time. Arts and crafts, dolls, baking with Mom, outdoor time, reading, lessons, work, it all has a designated place in our day and week. The girls do have few ‘windows’ in their day to do something of their own choice. Let me tell you, they settle right down and make the most of this time! They know is worth playing and not a time to waste! Charlotte Mason wrote about her adventures out doors with children, though she is often held esteemed for her encouragement to let children have much freedom to explore their surroundings, she in no ways believes children should be left alone to mischief! More correctly she advises direction in their hours of exploration. Having her pupils explore a field, draw it, write about it, getting to know it intimately. Only for a short time would she allow the children to make fun on their own accord. This is directive play. It is enjoyment within a time frame. It ends before the fun has been exhausted. I have seen this to eliminate bickering among siblings because kids learn to settle down and play, knowing they do not have all day to engage the fun on hand. (Please be gracious in this. If Marion has been studiously working on a picture during her art time and now time is up and is nearly done. I would not be harsh and have her put it away ‘on time’, I would let her finish, but would not let her then pull out another project in art to work on, even if she wanted to.)
~
~
I am not sure when I first saw this ‘interrupting aid’ most likely from my Mom or Aunt…
Do your kids interrupt as chronically as mine? Is it as annoying to you as it is to me? A little way around this frustration is, if your child needs to interrupt a conversation you are having. Have your child place their hand un-disruptive on your arm. In response place your hand over their hand so the child knows you recognise they need you. When a moment arises, pause your conversation and address your child. It works wonders… when applied…I think I need to work on this one…
~
~
Another assistance to eliminate frustration between adult and child is simply to make eye contact when speaking. I think children feel more respected when spoken and treated politely. I have a habit of calling my children with out focusing on them. I find it more effective and peaceful if I find where my kids are, scoop their face in my hands, make eye contact, smiling sweetly and ask your request, “Marion it is time to start chores may you please go get your basket and gather the upstairs piles” it is rare under these circumstances for a child to want to disobey.
Applied, this greatly helps when disciplining or correcting a child, make eye contact, talk firm but calm, let your face stay pleasant, not happy but loving, then execute the intended punishment. Like wise if a child is showing you something, art or anything really, they want your full attention! Give it to them! Sometimes in the moment it is not going to work, like when you are washing toilets or running to grab the ringing phone, communicate in some way that in a moment you will give some time to that child’s current interest he wants to share with you. Then when that moment arises seek you child out and ask to see what they wanted to share, make eye contact, get excited, show your pleasure. If a child knows he is understood, he will automatically desire to be pleasant and an asset to you.
~
The tips above are my tested, tried and true!
May your Mothering be blessed with direction and purpose this week.
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